Trailing Spouse

     I came to Rwanda to be with my husband, for the adventure and for the life experiences that would turn into great stories.  Because he is busy every day with work, my husband is “distracted” and does not feel the same swings of emotion I do as a result of being unemployed (well, that, and he does not have my unique body chemistry).  Since we first came here on November 27, 2011, I’ve done a lot.  Mark has done a lot.  A lot of what we have done has been together but a lot of what we have done has been separate.  He has his job and all that that entails.  I have a new house to get us settled in. I sat at home, waiting for the phone company, MTN, to come and install the internet.  It took them 5 days to complete the whole process, involving me having to run to three separate stores to get the equipment they would be installing!  When the internet was finally installed, it worked for 3 whole days and has never worked since.  I then had to sit at home for hours and days waiting, first, for the technicians from our alarm company to even show up (what a waste of over 48 hours!) and then, when they finally came, their projection of a 2-day job turned into two weeks.  I also have to stay home every Monday and Wednesday mornings till noon because that’s when our trash pick up comes.  

While the alarm technicians were working, we agreed to have day and night guards, just until the alarm was complete.  The day guard, Jean Marie, a sweet 20-year-old from west of Kigali, was well-intentioned but pushy.  He spoke minimal english, pretty good french and perfect kinyarwanda.  He always came to me to try to speak more english.  

Jean Marie, Our temporary guard

    Mark and I invested in a Kinyarwanda to English dictionary for him.  He expressed real gratitude and that made us both happy.  He was endearing but he sapped me of my energy.  Because it took the technicians so long to install the alarm, Jean Marie ended up coming every day for 2 weeks.  By the time his last days had arrived, he had implored both me and Mark to hire him as our gardner, guard, housekeeper, etc. every single day.  He told me, countless times, that he was going to quit his steady (yes, poorly paying, but paying, all the same) job to work for us!  We had made him no promises!  I made it abundantly clear, in both french and english, that we were NOT hiring him.  He should, under no conditions, quit his job in relation to us.  I even advised him that quitting a job with no other job waiting was rather ridiculous.  I explained that here, in Europe in the USA--all across the world--unemployment was high and voluntarily ending your job on the outside chance that some Muzungu (that means foreigner in East Africa) may hire you for a part time job was just not smart.  He finally understood and, in the end, took it graciously.  I can’t say that I wasn’t glad to see him go when the alarm installation was finally complete.

As a trailing spouse, it is my job (well, one of my jobs) to figure out what my passion is--what I want to be when I grow up.  Kwetu Film Institute never responded my offer to teach script writing and cinematography.  Normally, when I do not hear back from a place--a potential job--I give them about 5 days and then pester them periodically until I do hear back (or until I’m just way past the statute of limitations).  Well, when I got no reply after one week, then two, then three, I realized, more and more, that I had no interest in teaching filmmaking.  I’d rather be telling stories, not telling other people how to tell stories, and I have the luxury to do just that.

So, here were are, at the beginning of many tales.  In the coming days, weeks, months and years, I’ll be posting those stories here.  This trailing spouse aims to drop that moniker and do more than just sit at home waiting for people to show up.  This woman will be a spouse who does many things and tells many stories in this unique country that is Rwanda.